Lessons From THE PILE

I will never forget the look on my sister’s face when I told her we needed to find every piece of clothing she owned in every place in her house; closets, laundry, mud room, attic, basement. You name it……Everything! And then, pile it on the bed and floor in her bedroom. Yes, that’s what I said…..EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING, ALL OF IT, IN A PILE!

All I can say is, it’s a good thing she is my sister and she loves me, because I may have been tossed unceremoniously out of her second story bedroom window. I am serious; that look was deadly!

We were embarking on an organizing strategy called the KonMari Method®, in which I am now a certified consultant. (The Marie Kondo method of organizing) Yes, she asked me to help her, but at this point if you asked her if she wanted to continue, she would have said “never mind”.

You see, she like many others, including myself, already feel like we are organized people. We collect lots of things for one reason or another, most of which we think we need. But how many times do we, for instance, walk into our closet full of clothes and say to ourselves “I have nothing to wear”. Or spend 20 minutes looking for something and after not finding it, go out to buy another, only to return home and magically find the one we already had? Well, we are not alone.

“There is a method to the madness” I said. “Trust the process”. She relented, but again, only because she is my sister!

MAKING THE PILE

In the KonMari method we organize by category, not by place or room. And we have a set of principles which we follow to achieve outcomes that are long lasting, and dare I say, life changing. But it all starts with clothing, and therefore “The Pile”. By pulling every piece of clothing you own and placing them into one, single pile, you see just how much you have. You also see where you have duplicates. It’s a reality check. It motivates change and acts as a reset button.

But those are the technical insights at first glance. There is so much more.

Some of the comments I’ve received from clients, including myself:

“I thought I had done a great job of throwing things out or donating them over the years. There is still so much here.”

“Why do I own so many black yoga pants?”

“I have been looking for that shirt for the past year.”

“Do I really wear all this? Do I really need all this?”

“Where did all these clothes come from?”

WHAT SPARKS JOY®

And so the process begins. Next we “Joy Check”….EVERYTHING! (I can sense an eye roll:). Yes, pick up every piece and determine what Sparks Joy; makes you happy to wear; serves a purpose. NOW….not in the future, not in the past….NOW. By deciding this on each piece,you are deciding what to KEEP instead of what to discard. A mindset change, yes? It is for most.

Comments on what Sparks Joy, again from clients and me.

“I always feel so put together when I wear this”

“This color makes me smile”

“I remember the time I wore this and it brings back that memory” (sometimes clothes are more of a sentimental piece and should be treated as such)

“My work out clothes help me remember that staying fit is important to me”

“When I put this on, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

Comments on what does not Spark Joy.

“Why did I buy this? I have never worn it.”

“This sweater has three holes in it, why am I keeping it?”

“Every time I take this out to wear I put it back. I just don’t look or feel right in it.”

“Wow, this needs cleaning”.

“This color doesn’t work for me.”

“Why do I have so many pumps. It looks like I go to work in an office every day. (And I retired 15 years ago)”

Sometimes “wardrobe gaps” are realized too.

“I could wear this item more if I had the right shoes.”

“I wear these every day. I may need another pair to give these a rest”

Seems simple right? But when was the last time you took the time to truly think about these things?

LETTING GO….WITH GRATITUDE

In some ways this is the easy part. After all, we have just seen the mountain of clothes we own, all in one place. We think, it’s ok to let go of some, if not a good bit of what we have. This is the case for some, but more often, it gets hard AND emotional. That’s where “discarding with gratitude” comes in.

Each piece we want to discard provides a lesson learned. For example:

“I no longer wear this, but it’s in good shape. Someone else can get use from it. Thank you for your service”

“I recognize this was a bad purchase and I will know better next time. Thank you for teaching me this lesson”

“I only need two of these items, I can release 2. They can be useful to others. Thank you for showing me this”

“I am keeping these clothes that are too big/too small for me as a security blanket. If I need a different size in the future I can purchase it. But for now, it serves no one just sitting in my closet. I need to let go of these clothes and the negative feelings associated with them. Thank you for providing me something to wear when I was that size”.

DISCARD FIRST

Before putting anything back, we must discard first. The hard, sometimes emotional work has occurred. Now it’s time to really let go; physically, mentally and emotionally.

Most clients experience a sense of relief.

“I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.”

“I feel lighter, less overwhelmed.”

“I feel free from the past.”

“I am so glad I gave myself permission to let go”

One caveat…On the clothes that were considered sentimental. These items are saved for the end of the entire tidy process, not just the clothes but the entire home. They require a learned and honed sense of what sparks joy….they can be extremely emotional.

After discarding, we then put all of the items that are determined as “keepers”, back in an organized fashion…..one that also is pleasing to the eye, easy to maintain and also Sparks Joy. This “putting back” process is for another post, but needless to say, it’s cathartic.

Some Comments:

“When I look back I realized my closet was a source of negative emotions. Every morning and night I would go there and feel guilty. Guilty that I can’t fit in something, or guilty I bought that on impulse or because it was on sale. It’s totally different now.”

“My closet makes sense and supports my purpose.”

“I now have a fun closet. It’s bright and colorful. It fits my personality. It makes me smile every time I go in there.”

“I have easy access to all of my clothes. I can get dressed with little decision making, in very little time, at a moments notice.”

“My closet is now a sanctuary instead of a source of frustration. I have far less decisions to make in a day having easily addressed something as mundane as what to wear. I am now able to focus on what’s important.”

“I have sooo much more time now that I don’t have to spend it looking for things or deciding what to wear.”

………..Good stuff, huh?!

Back to the present, we had reached the end of our time together. The death stare had now turned into the relaxed, calm, beautiful face of my sister. A sense of relief and accomplishment had swept over her. And in the end, as her husband declared, “No one died, no one got hurt” and I might add, no one got thrown out the second floor window.